I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize