my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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