Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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