Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
