i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
