i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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