Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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