We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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