When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
