i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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