Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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