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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
