the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
