Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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