i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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