K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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