Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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