Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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