this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
