You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
