Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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