Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
