Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
