I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
