I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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