I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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