dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
