my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
