watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
