He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize