Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
