I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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