Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
