We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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