I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
