can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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