I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
