i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
