i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
