I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
