I didn't shave. On purpose
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
