I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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