i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
