Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
