grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
