Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize