was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
