Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
now i know why i became what i already was.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
