we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
