I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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