dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize