Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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