Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
