I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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