Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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