I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
