Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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