Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
