ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
