apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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