Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize