do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
