Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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