My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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