shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
