he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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