Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
