Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
