I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
