wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So vagazzling was a success
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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