My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
