Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
