Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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