Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize