I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
