Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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